From Sideline Cheerleader to Starring as You: Breaking Free from the "Good Girl" Mold

Let's talk about that feeling of being stuck. You put yourself there, you know it well – the one where you prioritize everyone else's needs, keeping your own desires to yourself in order to avoid creating any conflict or becoming a burden. We’ve all been there, myself included. Some call this “people-pleasing”, however that term never felt quite accurate to me. It wasn't about going out of my way to please people; it was about staying in my own way, shrinking myself and my dreams in order to avoid rocking the boat.

Think Sandy Olsson (Sandra Dee!) in the late ‘70s movie Grease. Remember her transformation from sweet and demure Sandy to the fierce and confident woman who rocks that black leather jacket, a lioness mane of hair, and sings, "You're the one that I want"? (We'll hold off on the "need a man" part for now). This is the kind of energy we want to harness – shedding (self-)expectations of being the "good girl" and embracing our free and authentic selves.

Sweet & Sidelined to Sweet & Sassy

There's a generosity and beauty in supporting others, in creating a safe space for them to thrive. We feel a sense of purpose in this role and, indeed, we are usually appreciated. When we choose to sideline ourselves for sake of this supporting role however, here's the problem:

• We deprive ourselves and them: By not expressing our own needs, we deny others the chance to see us for who we are. We assume we're a burden (—a belief which points to toxic shame), and we rob them of the opportunity to rise to the (positive) challenge of considering our desires.​

• We become a burden to ourselves: Constantly suppressing our true selves breeds shame atop shame. We remove our own opportunities to explore who we are, like a curious toddler who naturally seeks to find and topple her boundaries but after getting "zapped" (emotionally shut down) too often, she restrains her exploration and discovery. Imagine that restrained energy bubbling up for release— and the dampening of that desire which had previously proven to be “not okay to be seen or heard”. So we carry it within us.

​This fear of self-release, disguised as a desire to support others, keeps us trapped in a self-constructed cage. We crave the "thrill of life" but fear venturing outside our comfort zone.

So how do we break free?
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​Here's the thing: when our will had been broken —whether in one aspect of our lives or in many— it can be hard to rely on our own willpower to break the mold, however intellectually viable it may seem. We know we want to cut free and may even know what to do, yet we've been conditioned for so long to prioritize others that reigniting that inner spark of energy takes a little extra something.

This is where practices like kundalini yoga and meditation come in. This technology offers a path to clarity and action, reinstating our will and giving us the energy to combat the fears that bind us. Many kundalini yoga practitioners, including myself, have experienced this powerful effect: a way to reconnect with our inner strength, balance our nervous system, and break free from those limiting patterns.

Rediscover your personal power (hello, third chakra!), reconnect your sense of safety and belonging (first chakra activation!), and tap into the feeling of both oneness and expansiveness (sweet seventh chakra!). This is your invitation to unlock yourself and experience that motivating, activating, self-affirming energy that lets you be you— to star in your own life.
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But the question remains: how much effort does it take to get started? What's the promise that makes it worth it?

Think of it as daring greatly to step outside your safe, zap-free container to re-evaluate your actual exposure. Today. It might be scary at first, but the rewards are limitless. Just like Sandy stepping out, letting herself be seen as the strong and beautiful gift she knew herself to be, you can tap into your inner tools to shed the "good girl" persona and take center stage for your life, living into your fullest expression.

Aren’t YOU worth it? (Yes, 1000% yes).

With grit and grace,
Anna SachKiret

PS. I often share about the transformative power of kundalini yoga and meditation and the wisdom of your emotions, such as shame and desire. Many of us carry the “good girl” narrative or other painful thoughts and stories that keep us in our own way. If this resonated for you, stay connected with me by subscribing to my blog.
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PSS. Let me know in the comments how this landed for you! Have you ever felt stuck in the role of the "good girl"? What are your biggest challenges in asserting your own needs?