There you are, minding your own business, striving to be the best you know yourself to be or that you see yourself becoming.
When suddenly, THIS happens:
You are strong and resilient and can move beyond much of these hurts and attacks, if only stuffing them down inside you and adding a brick of armor around you for future protection. One brick is heavy. Many bricks can damage your wings and shelter you to the point of being hidden completely.
That tickle of hurt and unjust actions against you don’t go away on its own. It works to protect you, often without alert. More instinctual. You come out “sideways” in your projections and you wonder why. It’s embarrassing or “unlike you” and not in your control…..until you are conscious about it. Even then, it could be buried so deep that the resolution is blurry at best.
That little tickle becomes inflamed after too much.
It could look like this:
These are not excuses for any of these actions that brought harm upon Self, others or this land. Beyond childhood, the responsibility falls on each of us for our own actions. Yet, it helps to gain an understanding of someone who was “damaged” or traumatized and not able to move beyond an early developmental stage for certain aspects of their lives. One can get stuck there and, as responsibility becomes this thing we know is expected by a certain stage, the dis-ease and pain builds like bricks. More and more bricks added and one aches to be free. One rebels to be free. One flat out loses it. Again, not an excuse.
As a foundation, conscious care and support for our children and our own inner child as “stewards” of healthy roots and patient development, with a deep trust in "who they/we are" at our core is key to building a present and future that nourishes and thrives. As we do this, our children are well-guided to become good stewards for themselves as they grow. In our world, through policy, action, follow-through and pure love — through feminine energy — we are responsible for our own part of being and/or developing into good stewards for this great land of ours and all its inhabitants. And most importantly, to be devoted stewards for our Soul; imagine if we all tended to our souls and stayed true to ourselves. It’s a bit like driving on a crowded highway making sure to stay in your own lane at the right speed, trusting everyone around you to do the same. How smooth it could be.
Can we get there? I think we can. At least for our children….. What will be our Legacy?
If you want some help to find your inner clarity as a "steward" for yourself and others, book a discovery session with me, and let me help you help yourself.
Here are two meditations I like to do to remind me of who I am, deep in my Soul:
Meditation #1: Negating False Identity
Meditation #2: I Am, I Am
I sense a beauty in this world, underneath all the noise, the damage, the fear.
I sense a rich, deep earth nourishing and holding us, while our toxins try to hurt.
I sense a bold fearlessness within each of us, begging to take the lead and break us out of the holds on our hearts.
I sense love in the dark.
I sense light finding its way through the cracks.
I sense hope and freedom......
Our future is built on the gifts of each one of us. Not the unconscious gifts of forced "should be's" and false goals that do not truly align with us. The gifts that come from the very core of our being, that birthed us. Empowered gifts that hold no inner conflicts. A way of being that knows its path, its Truth.
What are you doing to connect with that gift, those gifts, on a regular basis? Is that not the purpose and habit trajectory of our lives? Every day we connect with these gifts and, when we think we got it, keep going. For 40 days, 90, 120, 1000.....and gain mastery. Mastery over our subconscious minds, mastery over the noise, mastery over our external environments prodding, pushing, forcing its way upon you...no.
Pause. Create pause. Create spaces. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe slow, deep, long.....claim your space.
the roles that I've adopted....mom, friend, sister, spouse, auntie, teacher, coach, my age, my race, my look. I am none of those things and all of those things. I am, I am. The meditation "I am, I am" is a wonderful reminder that I am. Period. Just as the tree just is, the worm just is, the fruit IS. As part of a whole...no. As the whole in one part. It is my favorite Rumi quote: "You are not a drop in the ocean but the entire ocean in one drop". Identifying as something isn't the depth of who you are. It's a container.
As "mom", this container gives me anchors for my life journey: live as an example, nourish my children with love, wisdom, strength, food, water, clothing, shelter, care when they are ill and when they are not, support for their ups and downs, etc. Lest we flit around in the wind like a kite whose lost its holder, its tie-down, an anchor provides a temporary positioning whereby I can live and grow with presence, in the present. Like a biodegradable pot for my starter plant--it holds her and offers a simple guidance. She begins to extend her roots down and reach up towards the sun as a beginner of something....what IS this world? And what is this present moment? She grounds and she reaches, expands, breathes. And as she grows, grateful for the path and
"Untangled" by Lisa D'Amour, PhD, I expand to define our experiences as adults. Some of us may not have even mastered some of those teenage strands. Regardless, we are each on a journey of evolving strands. I may be further evolved on one strand but less so on another. And someone who I think is somehow "better" may be more and less evolved on opposing strands. It matters not. There is no judgment or comparison. There is only our experience. And, with awareness, we begin to appreciate our evolution of experiences.
Our American culture comes with a drive for competition. I'll focus on the one that calls for each of us to aim for our personal best. We compete against our own experiences to improve each time, to learn from our mistakes and failures, to lift ourselves back up with courage and compassion, to allow rest and reprieve as an active habit. There's a motivating force when seeking our personal best. I believe you can live in complete satisfaction and love with who you are and what you've achieved in this moment, today, this minute, WHILE ALSO seeking your personal best over time. There is no misalignment here to seek to evolve your experiences and become more elevated in consciousness through these evolutions, while also feeling "successful" in your present. When you seek to compete against others, your happiness is tied to an external presence outside your control. What is in your control is to develop and strengthen your habits, your physical and mental stamina, the edges of your own personal container-- where's the discomfort? how much will you push it today? Which strand are we evolving? Which needs attention today?
I sense there's an understanding, a shift, a loving pull to connect with our inner wisdoms.
I sense there's an openness to see it, feel it, embrace it.
I sense there's change happening and, for those of us who connect deeply within with curiosity and awareness, bold and beautiful things await. And Are. Here. Now.
I sense we are breathing more deeply, grounding with our nourishing roots and expanding from that place of connection.
I sense love is winning.
When I think about the decisions I've made in my life, there are some that bring me joy and pride and others that make me think 'what on earth was I thinking'?!? I can now reflect on those latter ones and realize I WAS, in fact, THINKING --and not feeling. How often do we know deep down what we are meant to do yet we ignore those inner messages for our brain's more logical-seeming demands? We don't want to be looked upon as irrational or --gasp-- emotional! No, do what people expect and can make sense of. Right. That's what your ego keeps saying.
To be clear, I wouldn't change a thing about these past decisions because I know they were the lessons I needed at the time.....AND at present. To be able to reflect back on those experiences and how my decisions shaped my life, I can honor those lessons today. Today I'm in a space where I can listen self-compassionately and understand the message, know how it has shaped my values and beliefs--- and make better decisions going-forward that support and develop a more elevated experience, a more true-to-me experience, an evolved experience, a purposeful, life-fulfilling experience. In other words: Joy. Peace. Freedom.
To get to where I am today, I had to look deeply at those feelings I ignored or stuffed down or escaped from through whatever self-sabotaging means I could. It's scary to start such an endeavor-- but it's so worth it!
Clearing old feelings by meeting them stops them from haunting you further. It frees you from the subconscious reactions, responses, and personality malfunctions that make you wonder, 'why did I do or say that?'. Instead you stand tall, get clear, and feel assured in your ability to meet all challenges (even emotional ones) and are able to create a life you were born to love.
Nowadays, I'm looking for: More fun. More openness. More healing energies in everyday life. More gratitude. A shift out of 'the way things have always been done' into a more free and loving world. I can choose this life that I desire, making new decisions that inspire and uplift and hold me in my Truth. I can listen to and talk with my emotions safely because I now know clearly that they are the voice of my soul, guiding me and crying out to protect me. I need only pause, breathe, and quiet the noise to hear.......and then decide.
I am queen of my sovereignty. I decide.
Wealth Consciousness or Poverty Consciousness? Which will it be?
It's interesting to wonder about these two opposing states of consciousness. Of course you'd CHOOSE Wealth Consciousness, as in you'd like to think you have that. Maybe you do. But, in actuality, where are you now?
You might be inclined to think you're somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I can feel so strongly about manifesting something or someONE that it happens and I'm not surprised. Other times, I try to talk myself into believing I CAN or I WILL HAVE and yet my body doesn't get the message.... as they say, "it's all in your head". That doesn't work. Lastly, there are times when I feel downright pathetic and I can't stop myself from believing in the limiting thoughts. Poverty.
I recently invested in a serious coaching program to help me create my Life Coaching business. I'd already started the seeds of this way back when but, saying I'm doing something and actually doing it are two different things. Making a truly effective business requires commitment, effort, consistency, experience, ......and a strong mindset. The part of this program I didn't realize was going to be so important for me was the mindset shifting into Wealth Consciousness. Now I know that that middle space was really not so-- I just had moments where I unintentionally thought something with conviction and, voila, I manifested. At least, I did recognize my ability to do so--- I CAN do this if I can make the consciousness shift stick.
Like everything, this is a work in progress-- you find success, you find another challenge, you peel back another layer, another success, another challenge, another layer, and on and on. The best part is, with each success and each challenge that breaks through another deep-seated layer, IT GETS EASIER TO DO AND TO BELIEVE. AND..... YOU SHIFT YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS.
This isn't just about money wealth (or poverty). It's about connection with others, connection with Self, growth/self-development, joyful living, time, love, etc. Notice where you are in these areas-- are you in Wealth or are you in Poverty? Notice what's working for you and what's not. Notice what you manifest. What you give attention to is what grows!
Your beautiful life is waiting for you. Seek Wealth. Shift your consciousness. Don't know how? Ask me! Here's a hint: start with getting in touch with what you DesIre.
Here it is, the last day of 2021. And...... it's been awhile.....
I've thought of you, dear reader.
I've wondered if you've missed me.
I've let myself believe you haven't.
What does it matter.....any of what I share?
Truth is, it's been a tough year and yet, I can still say: Life Is Good!
I can still thrive in my deep knowing that I am enough and I have the answers for my fulfilled life. It's UNSHAKEABLE. Back to this later.....
I can KNOW that I felt like you haven't missed me and, at the same time, I can KNOW that that is a story-- an illusion --I've made up in my head. This isn't about you and me-- it's about my need to feel seen and heard..... to not feel rejected.....to matter. Who must fulfill that for me? Me. Knowing all this gifts me with the unshakeable steadiness, even as the emotions ebb and flow sometimes wildly. Even as I don't always know how to fulfill that for myself at any given moment.
The story comes from one of my longtime, emotional battles that pesters me with thoughts of "how could you possibly matter?" I've overcome much of this (--thank God!) yet what took years of conditioning doesn't just drop itself from my repertoire of triggered reactions.
Consciously, I can insist on another story...... I can ask: perhaps you HAVE missed me and you've felt ABANDONED? What is my responsibility here? What does it matter.....any of what I share? There it is again-- "how could you possibly matter?", that little voice asks.
Honestly, I KNOW I MATTER TO YOU. Because you are here, reading. And each of our voices matter. I know that YOU MATTER TO ME because I value your sense of peace and joy. I feel passionate about other people's and our humanity's JOY. I value the vibes we each share in this world to uplift one another. AND, I'VE MISSED YOU!
There are writers and vloggers that I enjoy following for the information and peace of mind they bring me. I know, when they have not shared anything new in awhile, I feel SAD, almost a SUBTLE DESPAIR. Perhaps abandonment is too harsh. Yes, it's more subtle. EMPTY. Like i relied upon them to fill my cup. (For another writing but: It makes me realize that, as with everything in life, EXCESS of ANYTHING can be dangerous. They post day after day and sometimes within hours. You gobble up their beautiful voices. You feel a sense of solidarity. Yet, one should be wary of falling dependent upon another to fill one's cup. With GRIT and GRACE, these voices share to create connection and provoke thought. But the idea is not to overconsume....... CONSUME AND THEN DO SOMETHING. CREATE!).
Coming back to this idea of UNSHAKEABLE sense of SELF-WORTH and SELF-RELIANCE. I have it. I'm thrilled and both grateful & great-full to have it. I want to share it if you are seeking it. This is why what I share matters. To anyone looking for it,
Ending 2021, I am clearing out my inconsistencies and excuses to showing up regularly. I CHERISH YOU. And I cherish my own Soul. That is all we can ask of one another.
I recently posted about my mindset shift to accept (as I know deep down to be true for me) that waking up at 8AM is too late for the mastery I wish to achieve. In that post, I wanted to come up with a good mantra for myself to really embody this but I just couldn't land on it at the moment. A bit later in the day, I came up with:
8 is late; 5 I'm alive.
Now, I could've chosen 6AM which is the time I've been getting up lately due to this new meditation support group I've joined called the sadhana huddle (which has been seriously awesome and a godsend). I could've chosen 7AM just to ease my way into early-rising. But no, somehow intuitively I thought 5AM was right.
And so the mantra has been spoken. And apparently it's been heard.
Ever since I uttered those words aloud, I have been literally waking up without alarm between 4:45 and 5AM every day. It's been kind of shocking, to be honest.
Here's the dig-- now I need to shift my mindset to actually be okay with GETTING UP when I wake up at 5AM. I've been lying in bed, sometimes trying to do a breath meditation lying down.....but falling asleep, and other times just trying to get myself to go back to sleep so I can wake up for my 5:45AM alarm. And now, when my alarm goes off, I'm actually more tired.
So, Universe, hear me: 8 is late; 5 I'm alive.....and thrilled to get out of bed and start my day. I've got things to do, joy to share, Soul to care for immensely.
**On a separate note, out of frustration with entrepreneurship the other day, I proclaimed out loud without thinking: "I need a job!" Having voiced that and feeling like I released something (-kind of like letting out an "arghhhhh!"), I mentally moved on.
MOMENTS LATER, I opened up my email and the first one to pop up was from a friend with the subject line: "Employment Opportunity". Jaw drop. It wasn't really the job for me but it reminded me that the Universe listens. And that I had better be more specific with my requests. :).
I hate mornings. Picture Garfield* with his grumpy face and low eyelids.
*For those who don't know, Garfield is a comic cat character created by James Jim Davis
In my yoga practice with its connection to Ayurvedic practices and the Vedas, there's always mention of waking up in the peaceful, ambrosial hours between 3-6AM: Amrit Vela. I've done it before as a discipline. For a period of time, I woke up every day at 4:30AM and did my yoga practice. Did it feel good? Did it make my day better? Yes and yes.
Did I continue with this practice? No. As I said, I hate mornings.
Considering the positive impact it had to my days, I struggled to balance it with my feeling loathe to get up "so early". The pivot I needed, I have since realized, is to recognize that it's all about "how you feel" and "what you tell yourself". That your thoughts have a deep impact on how you feel: "I feel loathe to get up".
I've always hated getting up in the morning, although by 8AM, my body feels ready to go. By that time, my mind lets go of feeling loathesome to feeling like it's time to do stuff, live life. And I generally feel happy to do that then.
But 8 is late. During the school year, my kids would need to be dropped off at school by this time already. My earlybird spouse would've had a couple cups of coffee and done a ton of computer work already. My dog....well, my sleepy dog would be waiting for me, probably ready to pee. Good boy. :)
"8 is late" and some other helpful thought for the magic of the early start is what I need. (I haven't yet landed on a good line to go with '8 is late'). When I was doing my 4:30AM start, I was forcing it....pushing through the blockade of negative energy and difficult thinking. No wonder I couldn't stick with it.
Letting go and opening the blockade is as simple as "8 is late" and "bring on the morning magic" (ok, phrasing still not landing.... I'll let it lie for now). Removing the blocks so that, even if feeling tired, I can ease onto my yoga mat and start. That'd be one less, enormous struggle to getting there.
As is often said, "mindset is everything". Changing your mind is like removing ten obstacles in your path. Its impact is huge. Struggling mind = huge obstacles. Mindset shift = clearer path. Simply by thinking it so.
Keep in mind: you DO have to believe it in your body as you think it. Thinking it so without believing it is just seeing/intellectualizing the shift without "physically" making the shift.
8 is late. So it is.
PS. This is my story, not a judgment of your story or wake-up time. What mindset shift are you needing in your day?
Imagine what could be. Imagine the impossible being possible. Imagine with creative abandon. Imagine with passion. Imagine Love. Expressed.
Image of darkness. Image of light. Image of whatever is right in front of you. What do you see? What is in your vision? What vision does your mind create? What if you hone that vision to see clearly? What if you expand that vision with a -nation, the image your mind sees? Image expands to imagination.
Do-ING, Be-ING, Live-ING, Imagine-ING. Create-ING. Go forth with -ing like zing with wings. Sing.
Re-do. Re-be. Re-live. Re-imagine. Re-create. Re-birth. A vision was seeded, spread, nurtured and created. Does that vision fit the change of times? Does that vision continue to meet our needs? The needs of who? Is there Love and Compassion and Integrity for all in that vision? Must we re-imagine, re-image, re-seed, re-visit, re-create, re-birth? A nation, a people, a culture, our very own Souls? We inside are deeply perfect, just as we are. Yet some of us have yet to meet the Soul of perfection that we are. Re-engage. With Self. As you had done in utero and at birth. Re-ignite the wisdom of that spark of light that is You. And each of us together can imagine and set in motion a re-evolution of the systems that oppress and hold us back. We can re-imagine a world of Love, Compassion, and Integrity so that each of us will know Joy.
Re-joice. Re-imagine. Everything.
In reimagining, draw on your visions (literally and figuratively). Practice exercising your eyes to stretch, lubricate, and relax the six muscles around each of your eyes. Connect your movements with breath, keeping yourself aware and connected with your practice. Here's a beautiful daily practice by Nathan Oxenfeld you can try.
As you practice, notice your breath and also be consciously aware of any resistance that greets you. Meet the resistance with curiosity and wonder. Feel how it touches you internally-- what emotions come up, where in your body does it go? Embrace it, acknowledge it, and affirm its truth for you. And then, let it go. Repeat this noticing, acknowledging and letting go throughout the rest of the practice.
Do a few warm-up stretches for your body: your neck (head rolls, which also stimulate your thoracic nerves), your pelvis (pelvic rolls, standing, which also stimulates your sacral nerves), your hamstrings and spine (stretching up and folding into a forward hang, always leading the downward motion with your naval center), the flexibility of your spine (standing or floor cat-cow), and shoulder drops (to release tension in the neck and shoulders). Stay attuned and in rhythm with your breath throughout these stretches.
A yoga and meditation practice. There are so many to choose from. The point is to allow for movement of your physical and energetic bodies in order to balance, circulate, and nourish every part of your body. I like to practice kundalini yoga and meditation. Ask me if you are looking to practice this with me. Here is one you can try meanwhile: Surya Kriya.
This kriya ends with a deep, self-healing meditation in silence, following the breath. If meditation is new for you, ask me and I can share a meditation great for beginners.
Stay connected with your breath throughout your day and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and clear. And take hold of your own reimaginings. Invite others - you don't have to do this alone. In fact, it often requires the support and spirit of community to ignite positive change. Imagine and re-imagine. You are Love, Light, Compassion and Integrity in the perfect Soul that is you.
Thich Nhat Hanh's shares: There is a well-known Zen story about a man on a galloping horse. Someone watching him ride by shouts to him, "Where are you going?" The rider turns and yells, "I don't know, ask the horse".
He goes on to share that the galloping horse is called "habit energy". Habit energy pushes us and decides everything for us and we go along with it. This energy may have been passed down from parents or earlier generations, or it could be one you've created on your own as a way to manage or cope.
It is important for us to become aware of this habit energy and not let it push us around. Thich Nhat Hanh encourages us to engage with this "habit horse" like this: "Hello there, my habit energy, I know you are there". And begin the connection and conversation from there.
I am the Essential Soul Mama. I am a mama, a soulful-spiritual teacher, an intentional storyteller, and a lover of stories of all kinds, in all forms. I write about emotions, parenting, natural health options, mind-body-soul connections, and anything that elevates our lives.