 Have you ever found yourself repeatedly tiptoeing around a situation, carefully measuring your words and actions? Maybe it's a partner with an unpredictable temper, a work colleague who takes things personally, or within a social circle or community where one wrong move can spark drama. You feel a sense of constant vigilance, like navigating a minefield. You’re on edge, even while seeming calm and cool. This is what it feels like to walk on eggshells.
Why are those eggshells even there? Who put them there?! Is it you, or them? It's easy to blame the reactive person— the "short fuse” —for creating the eggshell environment. You’ll find a lot of agreement on the source of your plight. Sometimes, however, there is a more nuanced and subtle dynamic at play. You, the eggshell walker, might appear perfectly functional and good-natured on the surface. After all, you’ve probably become an expert in the art of keeping a peaceful minefield. YOU hold this relationship together with this skill. Right??? Yet the only one aware of the eggshells is you. Underneath the masterfully-designed “peace”, there's a constant undertone of tension, a suppressed anxiety about saying or doing the wrong thing: the eggshells appear. Skilled peace-keeping can look like: a forced smile, a carefully calculated next step, a well-crafted text, etc. – each hiding your hesitancy to express your true opinion. Does this sound familiar, my eggshell-walking friend? If you are in fact not expressing your truth, what is the impact on that particular relationship? What is the impact on you? The Nimble Walker in a Freeze In my last post, I talked about the state of being in a functional freeze— your nervous system stuck in a freeze response. Imagine your nervous system like a car with different gears, shifting aptly to meet the needs of the situation. Ideally, we're running smoothly with a balanced sympathetic-parasympathetic set of gears, allowing for healthy processing and "social engagement” for your drive in the world. When suddenly faced with those eggshells in your path, you might shift into a "dorsal vagal state," which is a freeze response in the realm of the parasympathetic, or “rest and digest”, nervous system. Thus, you can show up surprisingly calm and functional on the outside, as you tuck away your true self to be sure you don’t suffer the consequences of running over the delicate shells. Sadly, neither you nor the other gets to know the true you —and what a loss this is. Over time, this constant vigilance —or functional freeze— can become exhausting. Indeed, the nimble eggshell-walker’s energy is often spent after enough time “in the field” presenting an incomplete version of you in safe-mode. So, how do we crush those eggshells and reclaim our authentic selves?*
*The good news is: the practice of kundalini yoga and meditation is powerfully effective at helping you help yourself through all five of these steps. Build self-awareness and self-compassion; strengthen and balance the nervous system and the vagus nerve; expand your capacity to breathe; feel and understand your fears and protective responses; connect with your self-worth through a regular habit of showing up for yourself with this practice. Remember, you are not alone. Many people struggle with eggshell-walking. By taking these steps, you can create a more peaceful and genuine existence for yourself. Love, Anna SachKiret PS. If you would like more on this topic, comment below “EGGSHELL-CRUSHING” and let me know if you have specific questions or things that landed for you. And if you would like personalized attention through these steps, reach me at my website to see if we are a good fit to work together. Peace+blessings 🌻❤️
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Do you ever feel trapped in a state where you are going through the motions but you know you’re not fully engaged and not fully present? You appear functional on the surface, maintaining routines and tasks, but underneath, you're emotionally numb and disconnected. You feel chronically lazy, paralyzed by overwhelm, and mad at yourself for not following through with the purposeful things you had intended to do. Again. This could be a sign that you are functionally frozen. STUCK IN THE FREEZE Functional freeze is a specific term that describes our nervous system’s protective response of “freeze” (from the “fight, flight, freeze or fawn” responses) when it becomes a chronic, everyday state impacting your emotional and engagement faculties. It’s a natural, protective response for some of us but applied to perhaps less dangerous (than like a bear chasing you) situations such as the dread of difficult conversations or “walking on eggshells”-type relationships. The problem with those of us who get into this state is that we aren’t always aware of what's happening. This automatic, protective response may create feelings of tightness (maybe a knot in the stomach) and negative emotional responses, turning-inward on oneself, as if your true voice has also gone frozen. Overwhelm paralysis, chronic laziness, and emotional turbulence from planning-but-not-doing things even when you’re excited about it are typical of the functional freeze state.  Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash Becoming aware of this nervous system response is the first step to getting yourself out of this stuck and debilitating feeling. Your nerves are stuck in freeze mode as a matter of survival. This could be a result of unresolved trauma in your past. It may be worthwhile to seek help in resolving the roots of this response.
Meanwhile, your nerves need to get unstuck. UNFREEZE YOUR NERVES Here's where kundalini yoga and meditation practices are immensely effective. Kundalini yoga, with its focus on breathwork and movement, can help regulate the nervous system and move the stuck energy that keeps us frozen. Meditation allows us to connect with our core self, furthering our awareness of the numbed emotions that need attention AND PROMOTING A REFRESHING THAW. By bringing these practices into your life, you can begin to heal the underlying causes of functional freeze and reconnect with vitality for a fully engaged life. Do you recognize this functional freeze in your life? What works for you to thaw and move forward? Do you have a regular practice to regulate your nervous system, boost your energy, and connect you with your core Being? Love, Anna SachKiret P.S. If this message resonated for you and you’d like to see more on this topic, hit reply and let me know! Sat nam 🙏 Why are you doing what you're doing? When striving for the goals you set, you start with the excitement and inspiration of the vision, and you take off running! By and by, you move through challenges, feel a sense of accomplishment and pride as you notice you can do this. And then, the blocks come in. You begin to struggle. You struggle with the struggle. Things take longer, you're not sure it's working out the way you thought it would, you take a break and come back to it. Some things shake out okay, others are still not working. You feel like you're doing all the right things, with a measure of patience and self-compassion even. Yet, you begin to question and can't help feeling the doubt over the value of these goals. You feel like a failure and you wonder if you were cut out for this. Maybe you were meant to do something else. Here's what happened: you set goals, some worked and some didn't, your expectations were not met and it took a toll on you, perhaps there were others involved and you felt like you failed them as well as yourself, the heaviness of these feelings weighed you down so it's all you can focus on, your goals begin to die an incomplete, slow death. Pause. Breathe. Just as in life, if you feel like you’re dying, you focus immediately on your breath. Being aware of this natural instinct as exactly the next right step, let go of all else and calm the urge to gasp desperately. Slow it down and focus solely on this life-giving breath. Simply taking in and appreciating each breath is always the first step. Once you feel the calm and sustaining energy of your breath, you can slowly begin to connect with your present moment, your surroundings, your situation. Ask yourself: "Why are you doing what you're doing?" Go back to your heart. Oftentimes we begin our ventures with high aspirations with a youthful (beginner’s) exuberance. As we “mature” into the journey, other factors enter the path and we lose connection with our original intent. We want to check back with the spark that lit this creative fire. Notice then:
Let’s look at the path. Goals are like the pavers of your path. Your purpose is the groundwork underneath, the foundation which began from your spark (or seed). Your vision that created the design of your path was aligned with your purpose. How you maneuver from purpose to vision is your execution-- it is your life experience, your "work".  When the pavers buckle or crack, it indicates some part of your design or execution needs attention. It's not a failure but a success in signaling to the designer and executor where to look for the problem. “You’ve veered off course!” Sometimes it's a matter you could not have predicted or known easily. Sometimes it's just something you overlooked or in the execution itself and the do-er (you) have now learned something important. Quell the outer voices taunting you or demanding you to take shortcuts. At the same time, quell any inner perfectionist that impedes forward progress. It’s a balance. The only true fail is when you decide to ignore or take the shortcuts and cover-up the signal. Set your expectations to see your chance to grow when things aren't working. If the matter is weighing you down and you feel stuck, go back to the starting driver: Why are you doing what you're doing?
Connect this with your Practice.
In the practice of kundalini yoga, we essentially rehearse for such real-life scenarios. We walk this path of goals+dreams, visualizing+activating our power, connecting in with our purpose, moving through challenges, balancing our act, gratefully including pauses and rests, receiving support from the Universe, aligning our consciousness and energy with divine purpose, and breathing intentionally so that we can face the unexpected and define this beautifully-twisted path that is our lives. Show up. Elevate your expectations. Check-in with your spark. Repeat. Thrive. With grit+grace, Anna SachKiret P.S. Tell me, why are you doing what you're doing? Where have you veered off course and caught yourself? What beautiful twists did you discover? |
AuthorI am the Essential Soul Mama. I am a mama, a soulful-spiritual teacher, an intentional storyteller, and a lover of stories of all kinds, in all forms. I write about emotions, parenting, natural health options, mind-body-soul connections, and anything that elevates our lives. Archives
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