Courage+connection to swim in the deep end (Your teenage self)

Image by Tatiana S. from Pixabay

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I was recently grappling with this idea of SIGNIFICANCE. Is my work significant? Do I make a difference in the lives of others? Am I living my purpose, helping people to connect with their innate self-healing capacities so that they can live a most satisfying, self-affirming, passionate life? Am I reaching those who are seeking this guidance? Am I doing this for my own life? Am I doing enough, enough, enough? AM I SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH?

I am a neurotransformational life coach, focused on the foundational art and wisdom of self-healing, embodied for a sustainable, elevated life experience. In other words, I help people tap into and experience their everyday joy from the inside-out. This is how I am meant to serve. I know this because I feel a deep sense of alignment and drive in this work. I geek-out on it. It's my "workjoy". And I walk the talk every day.....so many opportunities in daily living to connect more deeply with who we are. (Hint: notice your triggers).

Sounds pretty good as I write this....and yet.....sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm making enough impact, reaching enough people, sharing what needs to be shared, living this (my) dream life in full. Hold up. PAUSE. Yeah, I hear it. This is the moment where the downward spiral may begin to pick up speed. This is the moment where I stop myself. Question my question of "enoughness".  Breathe. Connect. Balance. Reset.

It feels particularly important here to acknowledge my deep gratitude for the people in my life that support and encourage me for who I am and what I want to do in my life--- and who listen and guide me when I need it. I know that not only does the Universe have my back but I have amazing allies that I've cultivated (--thank you, mentors and coaches in my life-- you know who you are!!).

Part of our journey in life is to create intentional supports and connections -- to have people we count on, to have 'coaches' who can see/hear us more deeply and guide/encourage us with care, to surround ourselves with elevating energy, and to be held to mutual and reciprocal giving of ourselves. We self-regulate and co-create this life experience with the intentional energy we surround ourselves with. Our moments of entering the downward spiral need this support.

As a parent and coach, I often find helpful parallels from child-raising to the raising of our own child within. As children, we have ideally our loved ones/caretakers set-up automatically for us as our support and connection to the world-at-large. As adults, we can find understanding through the analogies-- comparing our current struggles with struggles from a childhood time in our lives, i.e., toddler stage, teenager, etc. From a childhood mentality. Often our struggles are things we were meant to learn and, just because we are adults, doesn't mean we are supposed to "get it" faster or more easily. In some ways, it may take us longer and with more difficulty due to the blocks, barriers, stuck beliefs we've built up so solidly in our years.

On the question of SIGNIFICANCE, I am keenly aware that significance is about living your Truth, Purpose, and Passion, and that living your Truth, Purpose and Passion can be SCARY. Your inner child wants to keep you safe from the unknowns, the potential failures, the feeling-bad-about-yourself if you make mistakes (which you will), the criticisms you'll face from the outside world.....and, truth be told, the harshest criticisms from your own insecure and protective inner-coach. Maybe there are messages flooding your mind like: "THIS isn't something you can do-- you'll be humiliated" or "No one cares about your message" or "See? There's already someone doing this better-- give it up". Our dear protective mind really wants us to just stay safe.

Why not heed the protective advice? Why strive for something "hard"? You CAN choose to play it safe and still be significant-- we all are. The question is-- do you believe it? If you do, then stay golden and enjoy your beautiful life!! If you don't-- if your body tells you otherwise --then you ARE seeking to elevate your experience despite the fears. Your mind (--rather 'your body') is made up!  AND it will still feel "hard" but we can do hard things. Truth is, our life journey is all about the experiences and, if you're looking to live your "best life", decide it to be so AND elevate those experiences as you go. An elevated life is one that is true to your purpose and passion--- your significance. It's not about the "getting there" (like you can't be significant until you do xyz) so much as it is about the path of "experiencing in the present moments". [Note: you are in fact able to live your best life (to be significant) just as you are today....AND your experience of life will remind you more clearly each time you show up for yourself in a conscious way].

So how do you bust through the fears to feel significant? How do you do the hard things?

The parallel to being a teenager. In her book Untangled: guiding teenage girls through the seven transitions into adulthood, author and psychotherapist Lisa Damour, PhD writes about one of the aspects of development in the teenage years being that the child is in-between asserting her independence away from her parents AND also needing the safety net of her family or home base reliably, on a regular basis.  She shares the analogy of a swimming pool where the teenager is the swimmer and you (the guardian) are the pool.  The teen ventures out into the world, effectively pushing away from you (or pushing you away!) to go swim towards the deep end but then, when she needs to catch her breath and/or when a new/difficult/uncomfortable experience happens she needs to return to the safety of the edge of the pool where she knows you'll be. Then, as soon as she got her "breath" back, she pushes away again. 

Venturing out into the world with our new ventures or stretching ourselves further than we've gone before in our business, in our roles, in our development, etc. is like pushing away into the deep end in the pool. What have we set up for ourselves as our "guardian" or "edge of the pool"? Where or what is our safety net or home base? This could be our actual home/home base; it could be our go-to meditation/breath; or calling on a reliable friend or coach to ground you; or getting out in nature. Maybe it's taking a rejuvenating nap or getting a massage. Ideally something we can count on. 

YOUR 'EDGE OF THE POOL' SAFETY NET. For me, breathwork and mantra meditations are my go-to. And I love to chant loudly! Singing, especially mantra music, shifts my energy effectively. I find my connection with a deeply rooted Truth, draw its energy, and I'm both comforted and inspired. Balance and clarity replaces the fear and anxiety. I am free to venture out again. I can trust in my home base. 

What's your go-to? Do you need help discovering this? I can help. Seeking a trusted coach or ally can help you see things you are blocked to see and guide you back to your true self. And connection outside of your own silo of thoughts is a godsend. Connection makes more connection. Trust in this.