 Photo credit: unknown from Pixabay Remember that spark you had as a young child? The one that made you light up with joy and excitement? The way you expressed yourself so freely? Many of us, myself included, lose that spark somewhere along life’s journey, having replaced it repeatedly with what we deem to be a more socially-accepted way of being. As John Bradshaw, author of "Healing the Shame That Binds You," says: “Something happened…. so that we lost that spontaneity, verve and enthusiasm. Nothing more tragic than to see a child who’s had the life beat out of them…..withdrawn, depressed,…… “.
But what if the spark of that Little You isn't actually gone? What if that part of you is simply stuck under layers of self-preservation, self-doubt and years of practice donning a persona of societal expectations? This is where the journey of self-love begins. Why self-love? Explaining the benefit of self-love is like describing the color blue to a blind person; they won't truly understand until they experience it themselves. Even though I had a good childhood, I struggled with self-esteem, depression and anxiety as a young adult. Through my commitment to my kundalini yoga and meditation practice and emotional healing work, I've experienced a strength and joy within that I never knew existed. A love of Self that can only be experienced. It's time to discover this in you! The Mask of Shame: Why We Dim Our Light Think of the "life beat out of [the child]" metaphor as the separating from your authentic self, or your soul. As a child, your entire expression came from your soul— carefree, alive and in full alignment with yourself. External influences, however well-intentioned, began to chip away at that confidence. You began to change your mind; your emotions alerted you but most of us did not have the wise guidance to understand the whispers of our own emotions. Are you wearing a mask? Here are some signs:
Healthy Shame vs. Toxic Shame: Understanding the Difference It's important to distinguish between healthy shame and toxic shame. Healthy shame is a useful signal telling you you’ve deviated from your best self, prompting you to learn and do better. Toxic shame is the internalization of these messages, essentially convincing us that we are fundamentally flawed for having made mistakes. Instead of course-correction, as healthy shame helps us do, we fall to self-criticism and seek a constant need for validation (people-pleasing). Unmasking and Reconnecting with Your Spark If you recognize yourself here, you’re likely wondering how to get back to your true self. How do I separate what is truly me and what is not? The reality is the lines and truth can get blurred. It’s like the proverbial layers of the onion. The ‘real you’ gets unveiled, one thin layer at a time. The good news is: each layer of healing feels like a mountain of relief. And once you experience this, you will be less afraid and more willing to risk peeling off another layer more often. It empowers you to keep going. Your Authentic Self: Practical Steps
Tools for Self-Love: Here are ways to build your self-love muscle:
This is just the beginning of your journey. A coach or therapist can be a valuable guide, but you have the power to start uncovering your authentic self and shedding the mask of toxic shame. Find your soul’s voice and live from that space. You are worthy of living this life ignited with your true spark! With love and gratitude, Anna SachKiret P.S. Comment "UNMASK" if you recognize you have one. Can you sense that inner spark that's been waiting to be free? Let me know!
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Let's talk about that feeling of being stuck. You put yourself there, you know it well – the one where you prioritize everyone else's needs, keeping your own desires to yourself in order to avoid creating any conflict or becoming a burden. We’ve all been there, myself included. Some call this “people-pleasing”, however that term never felt quite accurate to me. It wasn't about going out of my way to please people; it was about staying in my own way, shrinking myself and my dreams in order to avoid rocking the boat. Think Sandy Olsson (Sandra Dee!) in the late ‘70s movie Grease. Remember her transformation from sweet and demure Sandy to the fierce and confident woman who rocks that black leather jacket, a lioness mane of hair, and sings, "You're the one that I want"? (We'll hold off on the "need a man" part for now). This is the kind of energy we want to harness – shedding (self-)expectations of being the "good girl" and embracing our free and authentic selves. Sweet & Sidelined to Sweet & Sassy
This fear of self-release, disguised as a desire to support others, keeps us trapped in a self-constructed cage. We crave the "thrill of life" but fear venturing outside our comfort zone. So how do we break free? Here's the thing: when our will had been broken —whether in one aspect of our lives or in many— it can be hard to rely on our own willpower to break the mold, however intellectually viable it may seem. We know we want to cut free and may even know what to do, yet we've been conditioned for so long to prioritize others that reigniting that inner spark of energy takes a little extra something. This is where practices like kundalini yoga and meditation come in. This technology offers a path to clarity and action, reinstating our will and giving us the energy to combat the fears that bind us. Many kundalini yoga practitioners, including myself, have experienced this powerful effect: a way to reconnect with our inner strength, balance our nervous system, and break free from those limiting patterns. Rediscover your personal power (hello, third chakra!), reconnect your sense of safety and belonging (first chakra activation!), and tap into the feeling of both oneness and expansiveness (sweet seventh chakra!). This is your invitation to unlock yourself and experience that motivating, activating, self-affirming energy that lets you be you— to star in your own life. But the question remains: how much effort does it take to get started? What's the promise that makes it worth it? Think of it as daring greatly to step outside your safe, zap-free container to re-evaluate your actual exposure. Today. It might be scary at first, but the rewards are limitless. Just like Sandy stepping out, letting herself be seen as the strong and beautiful gift she knew herself to be, you can tap into your inner tools to shed the "good girl" persona and take center stage for your life, living into your fullest expression.
Aren’t YOU worth it? (Yes, 1000% yes). With grit and grace, Anna SachKiret PS. I often share about the transformative power of kundalini yoga and meditation and the wisdom of your emotions, such as shame and desire. Many of us carry the “good girl” narrative or other painful thoughts and stories that keep us in our own way. If this resonated for you, stay connected with me by subscribing to my blog. PSS. Let me know in the comments how this landed for you! Have you ever felt stuck in the role of the "good girl"? What are your biggest challenges in asserting your own needs? |
AuthorI am the Essential Soul Mama. I am a mama, a soulful-spiritual teacher, an intentional storyteller, and a lover of stories of all kinds, in all forms. I write about emotions, parenting, natural health options, mind-body-soul connections, and anything that elevates our lives. Archives
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Every other week I post a blog on my Substack on relevant topics including breathwork, healing, emotions, kundalini practices, and showing up for yourself. Monthly-ish I share events+updates you may be interested in. You can unsubscribe at any time. I'm happy to have you join my free Joymail!
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ESSENTIAL SOUL MAMA / Anna SachKiret Gratzl
Chicago, Illinois
Latitude 41.959740 Longitude -87.704821
established 2017 / copyright 2025
Chicago, Illinois
Latitude 41.959740 Longitude -87.704821
established 2017 / copyright 2025